Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
