She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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