her vagine was all disorganized.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
