you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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