Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
