Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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