bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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