I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm too high and old for this...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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