My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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