she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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