I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
