I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
