$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
