the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
