just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
