don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
