Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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