I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
