and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
