you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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