Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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