Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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