His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
