the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
