sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
