i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
