you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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