What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
