so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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