So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
