idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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