she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize