It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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