I can tuck mytits in my pants
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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