I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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