I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
