I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
