WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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