Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
