Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
