it wasn't lemon gatorade
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
