she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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