ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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