I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
