I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
