He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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