just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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