So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
