I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize