quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
