We are two peas in an std pod
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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