I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize