If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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