two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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