So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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