When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
