it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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