I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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