What a fucking waste of an outfit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
