Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize