I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to calm my uterus...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
