You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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