Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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