tonight lets celebrate not being married
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
