He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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