I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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