i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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