I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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