There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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