It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
