What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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