Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
