I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
