I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
