Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
